The Walk
by Shotzette
Summary: HurtComfort. The tragedies of the past catch up with Lenny.


The Walk  
  
He looked out on what he could see of the black water in the overcast haze.  
  
Lake Michigan.  
  
In the spring and summer, the lake was usually crowded with families with noisy children, and young people trying to meet that special someone. You could lose yourself in the cacophany of laughter and shouting, become enveloped by the smells of roasting hotdogs, cotton candy, and beer.  
  
In the wee hours on a rainy November evening was a different story.  
  
His cheap, satin, Lone Wolf jacket had soaked through an hour ago and was clinging to his shivering form. The noise of the icy rain drowned out the angry voices in his head and the sound of his own sobbing. What the rain's noise couldn't muffle, the rapidly emptying pint of Jack Daniels in his hand could.  
  
He tipped the bottle back and took another deep swallow. Horrible stuff, he thought, but the bad taste in his mouth and the numbness in his soul was keeping the pain away.  
  
For now.  
  
"Nothing's ever gone forever," his father had told him up to his dying day. He'd probably thought he was being comforting, but to Lenny, that meant his mom would stay away as long as she still hurt. And she did.  
  
He knew her pain would never go away. Hell, he knew it before she even left that day on the bus. He had known since that awful day at the lake.  
  
He could remember it like it was yesterday, no matter how hard he had tried not to. He had been eight. He had remembered begging his mom to take him to the lake that Saturday morning, as she stirred the Bosco in his milk. He had promised to be good and not cause any trouble. He remembered how she had smiled at him, and he had known she had been wracking her brain for a good reason not to go.  
  
If she had only been able to think of a good reason, things would have been different. Maybe, she would have stayed, he thought, wistfully.  
  
A fresh gust of cold wind across his face brought him back to the angry present. He downed another swallow and tried to regain his train of thought.  
  
His mother had been fine on the bus ride to the lake. She had even smiled and had talked to other people besides him, which had been so unlike her. He'd been so happy when she had told him his father couldn't go since he had to work an extra shift at the cannery. He had felt bad for feeling good, but his mother had always seemed to be happier when his father wasn't around.  
  
Things had been even better by the time they had gottten to the lake shore. The day had been bright and sunny, and the water hadn't been so cold that you couldn't go wading.  
  
The best part was that Laverne had been there. Without Shirley.  
  
Laverne was always more fun when Shirley wasn't around. Something that half the Fleet knew by now, he thought to himself bitterly before his guilt kicked in. Nothing that had happened that day had been her fault, yet the knowledge that she had seen everything still made his face burn with shame.  
  
They'd had so much fun that morning, as they had chased each other up and down the shoreline, and had tried to make sand castles out of the silthy, brackish muck on the beach. It had been like playing with Squiggy, but better somehow.  
  
Her parents had been there too. He remembered Mr. DeFazio had been asleep-- or passed out, in his chair, his face covered by a newspaper. Laverne's mother had been there too. Lenny wracked his alcohol saturated brain and tried to picture Mrs. DeFazio's face in his mind. She had looked very tired and had dark circles under her eyes that day.  
  
Mr. DeFazio had yelled at Laverne to come back to their blanket and spend some time with her mother. Lenny had followed, as always. Mr. DeFazio hadn't seemed happy to see him, but Laverne's mother had offered him a leftover sandwich with a kind smile.  
  
He remembered how he had listened in awe as Mr. DeFazio had told them a story about his being a hero in some place called Anzio during the war. Mrs. DeFazio had interrupted him, and had said it wasn't an appropriate story for children, before she had launched into her own story about her sister back in Brooklyn, which had made Laverne giggle so hard that she'd nearly choked on her sandwich.  
  
Lenny had been laughing then as well. Funny, he couldn't remember both of his parents laughing together. Ever.  
  
Then, all the laughter had stopped. People on the shore had started shouting and pointing at the lake. Two burly lifeguards had run into the water as people jumped out of their way. Laverne's father had yelled something in Italian and then had run into the placid surf after the lifeguards.  
  
Mrs. DeFazio had grabbed Laverne and Lenny by the hands and had started pulling them away from the water. Lenny had looked around frantically for his mother in the confusion. He hadn't wanted her to worry about him. He had wanted to let her know he was safe, that he had been good like he had promised. When he saw her empty beach chair, Lenny had begun to cry.  
  
Noises from the shoreline had grabbed his attention. In the distance he saw the two lifeguards and Mr. DeFazio dragging somebody back to the shore. After he had broken free from Mrs. DeFazio's weakened grasp, Lenny had ran down the beach towards his mom, as he sobbed all the way.  
  
As he had gotten closer, he saw that Mr. DeFazio had been standing between his mom and the lifeguards. His mom had been crying, while Laverne's pop and the lifeguards had been yelling at each other. He had stared at his mother in her soaking wet housedress and with her disheveled hair while he had heard words like "police" and "crazy". When he could finally tear his eyes away from his mother, he had been surprised to see the scratchmarks that had covered the lifeguards and Mr. DeFazio.  
  
Lenny had turned towards his mother, and had reached out to comfort her. Laverne's father then stepped in front of him as he grabbed Lenny and his mom and had propelled them away from the angry lifeguards. Mr. DeFazio had begun to drag them both up the beach, and his hand had been like a vise on Lenny's upper arm. Lenny had tried to look at Laverne as her pop had pulled him past, but Mrs. DeFazio had turned the girl's head away from them and had held her tightly.  
  
Mr. DeFazio had dragged Lenny and his mom all the way to the bus stop. Even though the bus had been nearly empty, Mr. DeFazio had shoved his mother into an empty seat, then had wedged himself in beside her so she couldn't have gotten out. Mrs. DeFazio had dragged Laverne to the back of the bus. No one had seemed to care where Lenny sat.  
  
When the bus had reached their street, Mr. DeFazio hd said a few quiet words to his wife, when she departed with Laverne in tow. Nobody had spoken as they had walked up the stairs and entered the Kosnowski's second floor apartment.  
  
Mr. DeFazio had dragged a kitchen chair into the front hallway, and had positioned it in front of the door. He never took his wary eyes of Lenny's mother.  
  
Lenny had looked once again to his mom, and had tried to summon up the courage to ask what was so wrong. Although she had been looking in his direction, he had known she couldn't see him. That realization had finally been his undoing, and he had run sobbing to his room.  
  
No one had run after him.  
  
Lenny didn't know how much time had passed, until he had heard the front door open. He had strained to listen, but he couldn't make out what his father and Mr. DeFazio had been saying. Unfortunately, their voices had eventually risen loud enough for him to have heard his father tell Laverne's dad to mind his own business and get out. After that, he had heard his father speak in softer tones to his mother and he had then heard them both go into their bedroom. The low rumble of his father's voice had echoed in his head until the wee hours of the morning. He had never heard his mother say anything.  
  
The next morning they had gone to church, same as always.  
  
As his family had risen to take communion, Lenny had felt everyone's eyes burning into them. Gossip had travelled fast.  
  
As he had returned to his pew, he had tried to catch Laverne's eye as he had passed her. Laverne's head had been bent forward and her lips had been moving silently as she earnestly prayed. Her father had leaned forward, and had obstructed Lenny's view of his daughter.  
  
Two months later, to the day, Lenny's mother had stepped on that bus and had stepped out of his life.  
  
Forever, as it had turned out.  
  
Lenny took another swallow from the bottle as he remembered the telegram he received that afternoon from the mental hospital in Indiana. His mother had apparently been there for twelve years, and they never contacted him. Then, two weeks after she killed herself, they send him a telegram letting him know that they would ship her personal effects to him that month.  
  
He looked at the bottle in his hand and frowned. Jack wasn't doing a real good job of killing the pain, he thought. Lenny looked through the pouring rain into the black crests of the swollen lake. Maybe Mom had the right idea all along, he thought as he started to walk towards the water's edge.  
  
He was dimly aware of the water soaking through his Converse Hi-Top when a strong pair of hands clutched his shoulders from behind and dragged him down to the muddy sand.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Laverne screeched as she stood in the pouring rain. "Are you crazy? You're going to freeze to death here or drown out there," she said as she gestured towards the black water.  
  
"Yeah, Laverne," he spat, "I'm crazy! Just like my mom! Isn't that what you and everybody else has thought all these years?" He tried to stand up again, and she tried to help him, but his compromised coordination and the slippery muck conspired against him. He sank to his knees, dragging her down with him.  
  
"Len, Len, Len..." she began, "I don't think your crazy! I just think you're hurting right now, that's all." Her eyes flickered nervously before she continued further. "Squig called me when he couldn't find you tonight. You really scared him, Len. He was frantic."  
  
He looked into her eyes, trying to figure out if what she was saying was true, or just a way to stop him from walking into the lake. Big mistake, he thought as his body responded to her nearness, distracting him from his destiny.  
  
"Lenny," she continued, with concern all over her face, "everyone is worried about you. Shirley and Carmine are out looking, we sent Squiggy to check the hospital, my Pop's out looking for you, and so's Edna. We're all worried about you."  
  
Frank DeFazio's disapproving face flashed in front of Lenny's eyes and he immediately pullled away from Laverne. "Yeah, right! You're Pop's worried about me? Since when?" he asked angrily. "And how come you're the only one here if everyone is so worried about me? You can't fool a fool, Vernie," he said as he turned back towards the lake.  
  
Her hand clutched his shoulder again, and she spun him around roughly. "You are not a fool, Lenny Kosnowski, but you're one heckuva moron!" she said as she slapped him across the face.  
  
Before he could recover, she had staggered to her feet and grabbed him by his sodden jacket, then pulled him backwards away from the water. "I'm the only one here, because I'm the only one who read the telegram you threw on the floor, and I'm the one of the few people who saw what happened here fifteen years ago! I knew you would come here, so I drove down here to stop you from doing anything stupid!" With that, she bent over and picked up the mostly empty bottle at his feet and flung it into the lake. "Unfortunately for me, you had a head start.  
  
"Hey, that's littering," he slurred.  
  
"Call a cop!"  
  
They both stood in the pouring rain, glaring at one another.  
  
Suddenly, Lenny's booze-addled brain latched onto something Laverne had said. "You drove here? By yourself? In this awful rain?"  
  
"Yes to all three," she replied with a flicker of a smile. "I was really worried about you, Lenny. I still am. Let's just go home," she pleaded as she looked into his eyes beseechingly.  
  
Lenny looked back and forth from the rough black waves to the warm green eyes in front of him. All of a sudden, the choice was easy. "Okay, Vernie. I'll go home with you," he replied as the fatigue of the day finally caught up with him. "I may be crazy enough to end it all in a lake tonight," he said, smiling gently at her horrified expression," but I ain't crazy enough to get in a car with you behind the wheel."  
  
"Like you're in any condition to drive?" she sneered.  
  
"No, not for a while. But this rain's not letting up, and at least we could get dry in the car."  
  
Laverne looked at him suspiciously, "Why does it make me nervous when you start to make sense, Lenny?"  
  
They walked the fifty yards back to her car in silence.  
  
They hurriedly jumped in the car and Laverne turned on the ignition, and, more importantly, the heater. The rain continued it's steady downpour.  
  
"Well," Laverne remarked, "I don't think either one of us is going anywhere for a while."  
  
"That's okay," he slurred, "I'm really not looking forward to facing anyone else right now."  
  
"Len?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'm sorry about your mother."  
  
"Thanks, Vernie. It's weird, after all these years, I'm surprised I still care."  
  
"I'm not." She turned to face him as she rubbed her hands together for warmth. Her cheap slicker had protected her from the elements little better than his Lone Wolf jacket. "You're a caring person, Lenny. You always have been. It's what I love about you." She stopped suddenly, her eyes widening.  
  
"As a friend, right Vernie?" he asked, giving her an out.  
  
"Yeah, my best guy friend, and don't you forget it," she said as she mockingly shook her forefinger at him. Her expression sobered quickly. "If it wasn't for you, Len, I never would have gone to the cemetery to see my Mama's grave. I'll always owe you for that."  
  
"Well, Laverne, after tonight, I think we are more than even." Fresh tears threatened to well over in his eyes as he said, "Helluva contest to be in, ain't it?"  
  
"Yeah," she replied as her lower lip quivered. "But," she continued as she scooted towards him on the wide bench seat of the Chysler and put her arms around him, "we will get through it." She pulled back slightly to look him in the eye, "You know we'll get through it, right Lenny?" she asked.  
  
"I know," he said and bent down to give her a slight peck on the lips.  
  
"Lenny," she said in a warning tone.  
  
"That was just a thank you kiss. Besides," he said in a stage whisper, "I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm a little too drunk to try anything tonight."  
  
"Anything?"  
  
"Anything," he affirmed as he tried to look angelic. "Sorry to disapoint you, Laverne, but nothing will happen between us alone in this car, tonight."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really."  
  
"So, I'd have nothing to worry about if I snuggled up against you. Just for warmth of course," she added hastily.  
  
"Nope. Too drunk, and not even in the mood."  
  
"Really?"  
  
He opened his arms expansively and said, "See for yourself."  
  
She grinned and replied, "Take off your jacket."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You heard what I said. You can't expect me to get warm cozying up to that wet thing, can you?"  
  
He stared at her for a moment or two before his brain kicked back into gear. Lone Wolf was torn off his back and in a dripping pile on the floor of the back seat in three seconds flat.  
  
"Now," she purred, "was that so...hard?" she queried as she briefly glanced at his lap.  
  
Before he could reply, she removed her slicker and flipped around to use as a blanket as she scooched closer to him. "We'll warm up a lot faster now."  
  
Lenny said nothing, just loosely draped his arm around her and allowed himself to enjoy the scent of her hair as he drifted off to sleep.  
  
*****  
  
Lenny awoke with a crick in his neck and a throbbing headache, neither of which mattered once he saw Laverne asleep in his arms.  
  
Squinting, he looked out over the lake as the sun started to rise. It was beautiful. Last night's storm had left the sky a brilliant shade of blue, and the early morning sunbeams tinged the lake with vibrant shades of pink and gold.  
  
It was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen. He glanced down at the sleeping woman in his arms. Okay, the sunrise was the second most beautiful sight he'd ever seen.  
  
As the sun began to climb higher in the sky, and Laverne began to stir in his arms, he sent out a prayer that whereever his mother was, she too could feel the peace as he was feeling at that moment.  
  
FIN 


End file.
